Thursday, January 29, 2015

Reality sucker punched me....

I'm currently reading a book to be reviewed for a publishing company.

It's about a girl who was overweight her whole life & how she realized her problems & got control over her life.

She's talking about being a teenager & how no boy will ever want to date her, how miserable she is shopping because no clothes fit her, how uncomfortable she is going to places & fitting in chairs & being in crowds... Just how miserable life is in general.

... & then she says her weight...

& I'm like DEAR SWEET LORD....

I'm 2 lbs heavier.

What the f?



& don't bring up the subject of height. I'm actually 1 inch SHORTER then her.  So I'm shorter & heaver ( 1 inch - 2 lbs)

.... I sat & stared at those words over & over again - probably for 5 minutes.


She was making her life sound so miserable that I was envisioning someone at 300 lbs or bigger - someone that you see on TLC with that show, "My 600 lb life"...

But she's me.

Would it be strange to say that I literally couldn't breath for a minute & my eyes started tearing up.

Shame

Yes, I know I'm at my heaviest right now. 
Yes, I know I have a hard time finding clothes that fit just like I like.
Yes, I know I hate pictures of me from certain angles because of my round face.

But I didn't feel like I was miserable... until I read this girl being miserable... at my weight.

& then I felt really miserable.

Reality just sucker punched me... hard

punch

I then thought of all the things I've been feeling wrong about my body lately.

My joints hurt more.
This side pain won't heal up.
My clothes are feeling so snug & uncomfortable lately.
I get breathless a lot faster.
I can't hardly run anymore.
My low back pain & knee pain...

All of this would SURELY be better with less weight on me.

Now, this isn't a post that says I wanted to slink into a corner & never come out... though I did have about a 30 second pity party...

but it immediately made me think the opposite.

My life needs to change.


I realize now more then ever that my eating habits need to change.
My life habits need to change.
I need to really focus more on my health.

Granted - I feel like I am more keenly aware of food & nutrition then most people.  But I will say, I also know my metabolism is pretty much junk & hates me.  That just means I have to make MORE changes.  Fight a little harder.

I'm fired up to do just that....


I'm not even sure how that's going to work yet.  What sort of plan I need.  What sort of changes I need to fully incorporate.

Maybe its just a few small changes at a time.  Maybe its a full life haul. I don't know.
I'm really going to read about some things, take note of things, pray about it.

I just know I don't like being sucker punched... I don't want it to happen again.

I never want to read a story of someone who is miserable because they are fat... only to find out they are smaller then me...

never again.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

TOTR: My worst race & what it taught me



My worst race...

I can instantly tell you which one it was because it was my first... & I nearly died...


I think that qualifies as the worst race ever.

Let me give you a quick background.... I never ran.  Refused to run. Hated running. Never though I would run. 

I had tore up my knees really young - like 5th grade young - while in martial arts.  Yes, I grew up in martial arts. Got my black belt at 16, teaching grown men how to beat each other up, all the while knowing I could kick ALL of their butts....

But it left me with really bad knees. 


Doing huge jumping kicks while not stretched out will cause some big SNAPS in your hamstrings... yikes... I can feel the pain again...

Anyways - you know everyone says the same thing about running.... say it with me... "Its bad for your knees"... so I never ran. 

But I was challenged by my sister in law to run a half marathon with her.  I thought this sounds like something that could be a bucket list item - why not... so I registered.

.... & that's pretty much it....


What did this race teach me?... hello!!! It taught me I need to train.

I literally got to the start line of a half marathon never really getting over 3 miles of training in.  How much further can 13.1 miles be then 3 miles... its only just doing that 4 times over... easy peasy...

yeah right...


The route of the Kentucky Derby MiniMarathon at that time went through Iroquois Park - which is all up & down HUGE hills...

DEAR SWEET BABY JESUS WHO NEEDS TO SAVE ME....

I basically was ready to die by mile 5...

My sweet hubby, knowing I'm stupid & didn't know what I was getting myself into - did the race with me.  He saw I was near death since I never even thought anything about nutrition while running.

Electrolytes?  What's that?

He actually ran into a convenient store & got me a Diet Coke... seriously... & I drank it...

to which I nearly passed about after drinking it.


At mile 9 I didn't think I could take one more step... but I was ticked & determined... & somehow - only by the grace of God - I made it... & then seriously couldn't even make it to the car.  Ricky had to virtually carry me & sat me down at the bottom of the parking gargage so he could run up & get the car...

Sounds like fun - huh?

But honestly.... that's when it all clicked for me. I wanted to be a runner.

I was surrounded by other runners who looked like they didn't want to die... I wanted to be like that. 

I saw happy faces... I wanted to look anything close to that.

I wanted to take this whole running/race thing seriously.


I knew I would do it again the next year.... & I did.

But this time, well trained - knowing what nutrition to use race wise - knowing what things to wear, what real running shoes were - knowing about chafing ... just KNOWING...

I finished that race the next year like 45 MINUTES sooner... AND, I felt great. 

I laughed when I could actually walk the 3 miles back to the car... & went out that evening, feeling stiff, but could actually move.  That first race? I literally couldn't walk without wincing for about 3 weeks...

Oh, the knowledge you get when you look for it....
 
If you need any other further proof... here I am... May 3, 2009...
I ran wearing a fanny pack... Dear Lord...
that's just embarassing





Monday, January 26, 2015

Not a weekend for working out....

I keep seeing that a lot of you were having trouble working out this weekend due to weather & snow...

speaking of which, all of you up north... my heart cries for you. 2 feet of snow?  I think I'd dig a hole under a dozen blankets & not come out for a week....

Anyways - it wasn't nothing to do with weather on my end why I didn't work out...

It was because of a good reason...GRAND DUDES!!!!!

I hate the word "Grandchildren"... that makes me sound really old.
Their not "Grandbabies"... well, one is... the other two aren't.
They are all boys - so Grand-dudes it is... Or G-dudes...
Even G-babes works for me.  They are little babes. 

They traveled up from Nashville on Saturday morning & I probably COULD have found time to work out before they came up but I did something more productive ... made cookies.  I mean, you gotta have sweets sitting on your kitchen counter when grandbabies come in.

For the record, some of you all ask how I have grand-dudes....
Families are all sorts of mixtures anymore...
Well, my husband has 3 daughters... the oldest is only 10 years younger then me (my husband is 10 years older then me)... so while I'm 43, she's 33 - with 3 children... she made me a grandmother at the age of 36...

Being a 'young' grandmother, that's why I went with the name Nanny ...

That was before the name Glam-ma came out... that would have been pretty nice...

Ricky refused to let me take the name Princess. #partypooper

So, it was a weekend of chasing boys, picking up after them, LOTS of eating junk...

But I allow myself a Grand-dude pass...


it doesn't happen enough.

Back to the grind today....

Friday, January 23, 2015

Friday Five: One word to describe me



Friday!!!  YAHOO!!!

It's a happy Friday for me as well.  My test results came back great.  If you want to read more about the results, you can do that right HERE

But today, I'm joining in with the link up at the ladies from Friday Five Link Up


Today's Topic - All about me... didn't I do a link up where I talked about me earlier this week?  I'm just on an ego trip I guess.

I like that Mar on the Run did & used one word to describe herself... I'll go with that...


ONE // LOUD


I am loud... even when I don't realize it.  I can't tell you how many times my husband gives me THE look, or says, "Ssshh" to me.  I think its getting worse because my hearing is going south (thank you Mother freaking Nature & aging) so what's loud to others is not loud to me.  My laugh though?  Always been loud - can't help it.


TWO // Friendly


I don't feel like I meet a stranger.  I can pretty much talk to anyone & I pretty much do.  I'm always interested in learning about people.  So many different personalities in the world... everyone has a story... I always think I would have made a good psychiatrist because I like to talk & listen to people so much.  It works out well in my photography because by the end of a session, I'm hugging everyone & really have enjoyed time with them.  My mom is the same way so I grew up with a friendly personality... we used to make up a song called "The friends of the friendly" & sing it all the time.  #memories


THREE // Singer


Now, I'm not saying I'm a GOOD singer.  I'm just a person who sings ALL.THE.TIME.  I sing at my desk. I sing walking. I sing in my car. I sing cooking dinner. I sing walking around a store.  Maybe that's why I always say I think life should be a Broadway musical.  ... side note. I have worked at my job for 23 years & I always say I worry about people that I've never heard hum or sing to themselves.  That's not right or normal to me.... other side note. I kept singing "I always win" last night until I thought Ricky was going to make me sleep in the basement.

FOUR // Sensitive


I cry... a lot... I cry when I'm happy.  I cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm mad. I cry when I breath.  I'm just uber sensitive.  Those end stories on ABC Nightly News that usually involves a good happy story?  Yep, I'm teary eyed.  I totally wear my emotions on my sleeve.  That means I take things to heart easily... but it also means I care deeply.  I don't consider that a bad thing at all.



FIVE// Belle


I am Belle.  Yep.  I have always been obsessed with the story of someone who loves someone for whats inside - even if it takes a lot of time & effort to get to that point.  Add in the Disney version where she's a book nerd?  ... & SINGS (see above)... yeah.  It's me.  I am Beauty & the Beast obsessed.

 
So tell me a one word way to describe who you are :)

Thursday, January 22, 2015

The "Me Time" Tag

I'm it...

& by 'it', I mean I was tagged by the awesome Danielle at Underland to Wonderland to play along for a post to learn more about each other... The "Me Time" Tag ... where we get into my world & see what I like during Me-time...


1. What do you watch or read during me-time?

Watch?  I'll pretty much watch anything.  I usually do too.  I've been known to be on the treadmill & watch fishing shows or soccer games.  Really?  ... but I love all the top TV.  Scandal - Parks & Rec - Arrow - Downton Abby - Walking Dead ... & I'm really loving Jane the Virgin right now.

Reading?  I love a good autobiography or something light. I'm not big on reading heavy things.  My mind likes to escape during reading - not have to work double time


2. What do you wear during me-time?

Usually yoga pants & old race t-shirts. 
Let me throw on some Uggs & I am the typical girl in Starbucks.

This is so wrong.... I have an Android... not an iPhone :)


3. What are your me-time beauty products?

I'm simple.  Really simple. Like I never use moisturizer simple.  I basically use Rimmell eye make up remover & Neutrogena Natural Face Wash.  Ta-da... beauty products complete. 

When I try new products, my face becomes one big zit.  I'm a the age now I need to decide which one - zits or wrinkles - is the worst one to have.....


4. Current favorite nail polish?

Oh Lordy... I haven't painted my nails in a lifetime.  During winter (cold & flu season), I wash my hands so much, polish lasts like a half a day...

but I do have a TON of Avon nail polish that I really like.  I'm usually a dark color person - dark browns, dark purples, dark reds.  My nails are pretty much goth.


5. What do you eat or drink during me-time?

I'm always found drinking a Sparkling water or an iced coffee
Eating?  I love salty stuff.  Give me crackers, pop-chips, tortilla chips.  I adore salt where others love sugar. 
(Seriously - you would probably laugh at me if you went to dinner with me & saw how much salt I sprinkle on food)



6. Current favorite candle?

I don't even know the scent, but its a new Yankee candle (Yankee's are the BEST) & its some sort of bluish color.  I think its some sort of lavender/floral mixture. I just lit it for the first time last week & thought, I need to put these EVERYWHERE. 

I usually go for the Apple or Vanilla smells. Make my house smell like I've been baking all day.


7. Do you ever have outdoor me-time?

I try to have outdoor me time then any other me time.  I love sitting on my porch reading - its my favorite place in the whole world.... & even when its raining?  Even more so.  I love sitting on my enclosed porch when its cold (there's a heater in there) & enjoying snow & just staring at the sky & trees.  I want to go hug a tree right now #hippie



8. Would you ever go see a movie alone?

I always said I would... though I have never done it.  I don't think it would bother me really because you don't really get to talk to anyone anyways while you're in there.  I just know it would be my luck to walk into a theater alone & in there would be people I hadn't seen in like 20 years from school or my teenage years & thinking, "oh, poor girl.. she has no one in her life"  Why should I care?  I don't know.  If I could sneak in when the lights were off - I'd be all for it.

this is what I don't want people thinking I am if I went to the theater alone


9. Favorite online shop?

Amazon... for sure... I only shop there at least once a week.. sometimes up to 3 days a week.   Where else can I get joint medicine for my dog, a good book, camera equipment & underwear at the same place?

Amazon loves me too. I just know it.


10. Anything to add? What else do you do during me-time?


Well duh - me time is also full of reading blogs & checking pictures on Instagram.   That should go without saying.
I love seeing what everyone is up to... call me nosy.  I call it "being invested in others"... sounds much more important of a thing to do.

So I tag the following:

Fairytale & Fitness
Runaway Bridal Planner
The Blonder Side of Life
See you in a porridge

... & anyone else that wants to play along :)

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

T25 about killed me....


Look at me getting back into a routine.

I used to get miles in on Monday, Thursday & a longer day on the weekend & cross train on Tuesday, & then Wednesday or Friday...

Well, I got the miles in on Monday - let's see what the cross training thing feels like.

So back to T25 I go. 

I figure I'll put my P90X3 off until I get through my races in March & then re-evaluate everything.

T25 Cardio.  I forgot what a witch you are ...

It felt like the longest 25 minutes of my life.

& I'm pretty sure I was thisclose to passing out by the end of it.

I may or may not have looked like this at the end of 25 minutes

But it felt good to work muscles that haven't been worked ... in a LONNGGGG time.

So I'm slowly working my way back to what my life used to look like.

Even remembering what it was like to moan & groan from sore muscles the next day.

That's a good thing by the way.

......

Side note - send me some good vibes. I go tomorrow to find out about my liver/pancreas/kidney scan for my side pain.  I always turn into a big ball of nerves at anything that is medically related so I could use some well wishes for good news & prayers of calm nerves.  Thanks!!!

Yeah... this is me...everytime

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

My first 5k of 2015


So I sat & looked at my Instagram all weekend at people running the Star Wars half marathon... & reading recaps of the full weekend of running in Disney a few weekends ago... & here I am, proud to have done my first 5k of the year.  :) #gome

It's funny how I my perspective has changed on races & goals & moving...

I love seeing what others are doing.  I read in awe... proud of everyone for doing amazing jobs at getting out there & getting it done. 

I'm also proud of me for getting moving again.  Abet slow... but moving.

It was such a beautiful day on Saturday & the hubs was working, so I put on some yoga pants, my tech jacket, which I haven't had on forever... & loaded up my ipod & went to my spot. 

My goal?  Just to keep going until I hit a 5k... easy enough... no time limit, no pressure.  Just inhale the fresh air, enjoy the blue skies & keep moving.

I looked back & saw I haven't done a 5k in MONTHS... the same person who loved to get in a 5k every time I put on my running shoes, at a minimum.  How things change.  But how they can change again.

At the end of it, at about mile 2.50, I thought, let's see what this body feels like running... & I actually did it.  Ran for the last part.  Again - slow.  But that's nothing new - even when I did run 5k's every day, slow is the word always used.  Always will be. 

But when I saw that 3.10 on my watch, I felt like I did all those races with everyone. I felt like I was part of the 'running community' again... even if 90% of it was walking.  I still felt like I was back to where I need to be to get to where I want to go... #deep

Still moving on... still pressing on....


Friday, January 16, 2015

2 days in a row...

I know people have huge goals & accomplish so much when it comes to running & fitness & health...

I'm just proud of the past 2 days...

I've hit over 10,000 for 2 days... in a row...

That may not seem like a lot to most people.

I told my husband who just told me that his step count almost made 24,000 steps... but it was a slow day for him.


Shut up show off...

(he honestly walks anywhere from 15-20 miles a DAY)

But I keep record of everything when it involved miles & working out, & I mark down all my step counts & the last time I hit 10,000.... it was November 17th

Oh my Lord, that's embarrassing.

Now, I've gotten close since then, some 8,000 or 9,000 days, but no 10,000...

& I did it... 2 days in a row...

 I feel like its a good turn of events...

I feel the fire burning again. 

Let's go for 3 today....

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Madlib #NoExcuses Style

I was tagged by the awesome Christy at My Dirt Road Anthem to play along with her Fitapproach to kick off the year



Let's do this fun MadLib... I'll try not to put in dumb words like I used to do for madlibs when I was 12 years old... though my mind does sorta work the same.

  • This year I would like to get my weight down, feel healthy, and stretch more often
  • It would also be super duper awesome if I also didn't get injured this year.  It's not a resolution, though, just a reminder to myself to try & have the best year yet because I'm sick of hurting (#truth)
  • The thing I am looking forward to most this year is doing a race again. (I haven't done a race since April of 2014... not expecting anything more then to cross the finish line & happy about that)
  • I'll use the one thing that truly gets me out of bed in the morning which is a dog in my face to help me get up, get to the kitchen for water & lemon & get after my #NoExcuses 2015.
  • Speaking of excuses (ahem), my very favorite excuse is I have no time & I have used it to get out of doing anything & everything on more then countless (number) occasions.
  • I vow to move my body & to be more healthy this year even if it means that I have to do workouts in my pajamas.
  • Even if my alarm clock gets eaten by the dog in the middle of the night, I'll still have to clean up clock poop before I go to work. (See, I told you I'm like a 12 yr old at mad libs)
  • I will stop blaming the hubs for eating the rest of the chocolate when everyone knows it was really me.
  • My dinosaur are not the reason I make excuses.  I will show my lazy who's boss this year & get my mojo back. (I was clueless for the first word & that was the first one that came to mind... madlibs - right?)
  • I know that stretching is better than not stretching.  (I'm a genius)
  • I will reward myself by feeling better about the way I look.
  • No Excuses 2015 has just begun & already I am imagining myself a winner.  I can't wait to rock shorts (article of clothing) from wherever I can afford.  I can’t wait till my sweaty friends are jealous of how fresh, clean and awesome I am between workouts with help from ShowerPill body wipes. I can see myself rocking downward dog[yoga pose / workout move] in new Perfect Stride Leggings [article of clothing from Actio926] from Actio926 and looking fit and fly while doing it. And of course, I’ll be taking my workouts to the next level and improving my body[noun] with my new ActivMotion Bar to help me train for my next  10K [distance] race with Sasquatch Racing.
  • Oh, and let’s not forget how amazing my Rock the Course Leggings [article of clothing] will smell in my / during my P90X [favorite type of workout] after washing with some WIN Detergent. And lastly, I’ll keep rocking my 2015 with clean eats and nutrition from Beaming with Health!
OK... I feel like that part in Annie where Daddy Warbucks says, "Did I just do an  advertisement?"...

It is what it is...

I'll play along...

afterwall, if you tag & tweet 3 friends to take this survey & share how you will have a #NoExcuses2015 you can win prizes.  I'm all about prizes.
Use the #NoExcuses hashtag and post to win prizes from Augusta Active, ShowerPill, ActivMotion Bar, WIN Detergent, Actio926, Beaming with Health, and Sasquatch Racing.

So if you want to play along, feel free...

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

2 bad phone calls....

This is how life is treating me lately

Yep... I started off the first week of the year with good intentions.

Walking Monday & Tuesday... & then life sorta came in the rest of the week

... & now, life is just laughing at me.

I had the goal of going home after work & getting back on my treadmill for a Monday...

but I got a phone call that first told me that my ribs are perfectly fine & now they have to do a scan of my liver.  I don't get it.  My liver enzymes were perfect... the doctor even told me "better then good" with how low they were. I'm not sure why they are looking at my liver.

They say liver & my mind instantly hears "this isn't going to be good"

Chalk it up to all the horror stories I read on WebMD or Google.


I was anxious about that phone call but then thought, if its going to hurt, I'm still going to work out...

& then I got a phone call again...

this time telling me my mom is in the ER with what they think is a stroke.
WHAT?
The right side of her face was drooping, along with her mouth & she was slurring her speech.  Luckily, my new sucky work place has a benefit - it is only 5 minutes from the hospital she was taken too...

she was right there in the hallway - yes, hallway... another story... & let's just say, working out was the last thing on my mind.  I didn't even get home until the moon was high in the sky & I had enough time to get cleaned up, grab a few hours of shut eye & headed right back out...

(as of this moment, she's still in the hospital getting a MRI done.... I'll know more soon)

But yeah... life hasn't started off well for us...

2015. I thought you were going to be my friend.  Not the evil cousin of 2014.

2015... we're not starting off on good terms